Yes, I know, I'm about to piss some people off, but it has to be said.

Stop taking what isn't yours!

What do I mean by this? Let me explain.

So often I see other movements taking slogans, chants, songs, etc., from the Black Civil Rights Movement and applying them to themselves, as if it were their own.

In my life's experience, I've seen this often in the Disability Rights Movement. I've even participated in these activities, myself. Being both Black and Disabled, it's often hard to separate these two identities, as well as my other marginalized, oppressed identities.

For example, these days I see banners with Dr. King's quote, "Injustice Anywhere is a Threat to Justice Everywhere!" at disability parades, actions and calls to action and think, "damn, can't you use your own stuff?"

I see disability groups using "Nothing About Us Without Us", which was made popular during the Anti-apartheid struggle. I see us drawing on Black Lives Matter with Disabled Lives Matter. I cringe and get angry because we always seem to be going behind other groups and co-opting and appropriating their stuff and taking it for ourselves.

Back in the day, when our Movement was young, it seemed normal to draw our inspiration from, and emulate the Black Civil Rights Movement.

Certainly, in ADAPT, which I've been a proud member of since 1986, we are known for using the tool of nonviolent civil disobedience, learned from Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., who learned it from Mahatma Gandhi, who used it to great effect in India's fight for independence from Great Britain.

Other than the adoption of nonviolent civil disobedience, the Black Civil Rights Movement's methods of expressions - songs, etc, were our own, borrowed from Old Negro spirituals and hymns from the days of slavery and the fiery speeches of Dr. King and other leaders.

Back in the early days of ADAPT, we used songs and slogans from the Civil Rights Movement. I, being the ADAPT ham, often wrote songs and chants based on and inspired by that Movement, that I was born too late to participate in. It seemed okay back then because we were so new and some of our leadership and members had indeed participated in the Civil Rights Movement.

As ADAPT got older, many of us began equating our Movement with the Civil Rights Movement. I and some others put a stop to this because though we were inspired by that Movement, we didn't (and most definitely don't, today) go through one tenth of what folks went through then. Though many of us (including me) were beaten by cops back in the day, they were isolated incidents, nothing like what Civil Rights activists went through. Though many of us went to jail, our situations weren't like those activists. Back then, children were often arrested and jailed, something that ADAPT, correctly, doesn't allow. Several of our comrades have died on actions, but it was due to their disabilities, not at the hands of police or enraged ableists.

Now that the Disability Rights Movement is somewhere in its 40th year, you'd think that we've been around long enough to stop borrowing, taking, even stealing stuff from other movements and using it as if it were our own, with no reference or thanks to the movements from which it came. We've been around long enough to create our own stuff. Certainly, ADAPT has. We have chants and slogans that are uniquely our own.

So these days, when I see other disability rights groups using stuff from the Civil Rights Movement, or the Black Lives Matter Movement, or other movements, I cringe and get sick inside. On one hand, I understand where that urge comes from, but on the other hand, I feel like saying, "get your own stuff!"

Another reason that I feel the way I do is this: The face of the Disability Rights Movement and most disability groups is White. We have a huge problem with racism and the exclusion of people of color, particularly Blacks, from our narratives and history, yet we shamelessly use iconic Civil Rights stuff to define and promote our struggle.

Today, I saw a petition about stopping dwarf throwing contests. I never knew such horrid contests existed! That is shameful, dehumanizing and outright dangerous and I will definitely sign the petition. What bothers me though, is the use of a picture of a banner with Dr. King's quote. I think that the organization that produced the the petition could have come up with something more pertinent to the group that they represent - Little People who are against these unspeakable events.

Look, I'm not against Little People or any any other disability group. I'm just saying our movement and struggle is now old enough to consistently create and use our own stuff. We can respect and learn from other movements but we don't have to keep taking their stuff as our own!

It's becoming more and more common to hear people, especially White people, compare or equate various slurs, real or perceived, to the N word.

Stop. This. Ish. NOW. It isn't cute and the comparison is false.

Yes, the N word is a singularly nasty word that some feel is the mother of all slurs. I understand that. It's a word that I don't allow to enter my mind, let alone, spew from my mouth.

Still, to equate slurs like the R word for someone with intellectual disabilities, the F word for a Gay man, the M word for someone of short stature or the term Gimp for people with disabilities is a false comparison.

Why? Because the N word has it's own specific and horrific history, unlike any other slur. In fact, the same can be said of any slur - each has it's own history. Each hurts in a specific way to a specific group that is different from the other. Some are so terrible that no matter how prolific its use, they can never really be reclaimed. Some are only just beginning to be recognized as slurs, while others are being reclaimed by they very groups that they were meant to hurt.

So, when some White folks say that the slur for little people, disabled people or an LGBTQ person is the same as the N word, I say, hold on - have you ever been called that word? Do you know on a visceral level what it feels like to have that particular word hurled at you with all of its specific, hateful history aimed straight at you? No? Then, how can you say that the slurs are the same?

As a Black Disabled Lesbian, I've had all manner of slurs from each group I belong to spat at me and trust me, each feels different! They all are bad, but not in the sense of what's worse than the other. They all hurt, but the hurt is in different ways.

I see what's going on. In the politically correct world, to be called the N word is seen to be the worst thing because people who consider themselves to be decent, fair people would never want to be accused of being a racist or using racial slurs. They'd rather drop the F bomb thirty times in one sentence than be accused of using that word. So, to illustrate their distaste for a certain word, they equate it to the N word.

That includes actions, too. Over the past few months, I've heard people with disabilities compare Hollywood's practice of casting nondisabled actors in roles as disabled characters to blackface, the practice of casting White actors to portray Black characters and using black paint on their faces to simulate Blackness, which was a common practice in the early and mid 20th century. I spoke out against that comparison and continue to do so because the two are NOT the same. Blackface was specifically meant to put Black people down, to caricaturize us, to present us as buffoons. It's intent was clear. Using nondisabled actors to play the part of disabled people because the industry feels that actors with disabilities lack the talent or stamina is ableism. Racism and ableism are two different systems of oppression. Equating the two is the erasure of both, because due to intersectionality, the systems of oppression sometimes overlap.

So, let's stop equating slurs, words and unfair practices with the N word and forms of anti-Black racism because they arise from different historical contexts, and if you are White, you can never truly know or understand the Black experience to make such comparisons.

I have multiple disabilities, some hidden and some obvious. At various times, I have, and do use different mobility aids to get around.

When using mobility devices, or when it becomes apparent that there are serious vision issues going on with me, I notice that I'm treated differently than the average person - all of a sudden, I'm thought to be incompetent and in perpetual need of assistance.

With that in mind, I'm going to say something that will perplex and even piss some of you off, but frankly, I don't care: if you are always trying to help some disabled person, or have that feeling or urge that you cannot control, to "help the disabled", you're pretty damned ableist in my book!

Why? Because you assume, mistakenly, that folks with disabilities always need help with something. If someone in a wheelchair is waiting at the bus stop minding her own business - oh no, that poor thing must need my help! If a blind man is crossing the street, again, minding his own business - oh no, he must need my help! From the woman on her cane grocery shopping to the deaf man eating at his favorite restaurant, you marvel that we can do anything for and by ourselves, and since you don't believe people like us should be out alone, you always feel compelled to help, often without our consent.

Back off okay? Get your hands off of me and back the hell off! I can't count how many times I've been touched without my consent by some do-gooder wanting to help when I neither asked for or needed it. I don't care that I was doing something slow or in a clumsy fashion. I didn't ask for your help, so get out of my face!

Even those who ask if I need help can't believe that I don't, so they ask am I sure. How disrespectful! As if, due to my disability, I don't know if I need help or not. Look, I said NO. Back off!

If I need help, I am the first to ask for it. I'll come to you and ask. If I'm clearly struggling and you ask if I need help, I will graciously accept and thank you for it. For example, a few years ago, I was struggling to get to the bus stop to go to work. The sidewalks were covered with snow and I had to wheel in the street. Two men came to me and offered to help me to the bus stop, which was several blocks away. I not only warmly accepted their help, but wrote an op ed piece in our local newspaper thanking them!

Another reason why I'm so hostile about unwanted help is because when I need and ask for help, most often, no one can or will help. I'm sure many folk with disabilities have experienced this; I have many times. The worst and most painful example was this: on April 19, 2007, I worked late, attending a meeting on the revitalization of a neighborhood on the other side of the city from where I lived. As a disability advocate, I was asked by my work to go and make sure that people with disabilities and our access needs wouldn't be left out of the plans. While waiting for the bus after the meeting, I was mugged. Being the badass that I am, I bellowed and fought, and though I was pulled out of my wheelchair and got a few bumps, bruises and a broken cell phone, the guy didn't get what he wanted and ran away. I wheeled three or four blocks, stopping people and asking for help; I'd probably asked upwards of 20 people. NO one would help. In many cases I was ignored; people actually turned and walked away from me. Finally, I came to an inaccessible mom and pop grocery store and was able to convince the guy outside to go in and get me some help.

I have never forgotten that, indeed I re-live that incident every time someone tries to help me when I don't need it. Where were you then? You walked right past me! Now, on the clearest, dryest day of the year, you want to help me cross the street? Now that I'm three blocks from home, you want to help me because "people like you shouldn't be out and about". Get the hell outta here with your ableist ass!

So if you see disabled folks out minding their own business, doing their own thing, resist the urge to help and mind your own business, unless that person CLEARLY asks for or indicates that they need help! And, for goodness sake, if you offer help and the person says NO, or no, thank you, back off. Save your help for someone, disabled or not, who actually asks for it.

Blind and low vision folks with white canes: have you ever been waiting to cross the street and someone suddenly grabs you and tries to drag you across the street? Or, as you're minding your own business waiting until you know it's safe to cross, hear someone say,  "you can go now", and grab you when you know it's not yet safe for you to cross?
 
It happens to me when I use my cane and it pisses me off! I'm sick and tired of hearing how people just want to help when the truth is that they've assumed that I'm incompetent. Why else would they want to help?

What these people don't know and probably don't care, is that someone using a white cane has been trained to safely navigate the streets. We are trained in various methods to safely cross the street at any type of intersection, walk on sidewalks and get around safely even in places we've never been.

So, when some do-gooder who has assumed that the white cane signifies helplessness tries, without our permission, to act on their ableist assumption and so-called "help" us, they're actually putting us in danger and taking away our independence.

For me, the white cane presents a safety issue, which is why I stopped using one many, many years ago.

I've never been hurt because I didn't use the cane, but used to get mugged all the time when I did. Sometimes people would grab my cane. Often, I got unwanted and unneeded help.

Now, at school, I have to use one.

After the third time during orientation and mobility training of someone putting their hands on me without my permission, I went absolutely ballistic on them!

Because of that, I refuse to use the cane outside of school, even though I'm rapidly losing the rest of tiny bit of eyesight I have left.
At mobility training at school, if I see someone's shadow or sense their presence behind me, I'll tell them that I don't need their help and please cross the street first. I make sure that I say this as firmly as possible, because the last person who touched me without permission startled and frightened me and was less than a snap away from being hit. No, I'm not violent, but I do have PTSD and it was NOT a pretty scene!

Now, I'm not recommending that people who need a white cane not use one. I'm just relating my experience. I get along better without the cane. I don't have to deal with people assuming that I'm helpless and incompetent and using me to make themselves feel good that they "helped" someone.

So, if you see someone with a white cane, assume that the person knows what they're doing and mind your own business. If that person needs help, trust me, they know how to ask!