Blog Archives

STOP universalizing our messages!

8/31/2014

"Personal empowerment, as it relates to disability, seldom comes from trying to look or act less disabled, but from our willingness to love life and invest in it using the abilities we possess." - Maria R. Palacios

Here we go again!

My badass, gorgeous sister in disability, Maria R. Palacios, penned the above quote on her Facebook page. Wouldn't you know it - someone had to post this in response: "Pretty sure that's true even as it DOESN'T relate to disability. Seems universal" Of course, that got my blood boiling!

Stop it, folks just stop it NOW! Can't we have something of our own? I'm not a selfish person; I love to spread the wealth. I know that there are some messages that are generic enough to be considered universal. What irks me is when someone tries to take a message that is specifically and explicitly for, or directed at a specific community, in this case, people with disabilities, and make it for everyone when clearly, the message was NOT for everyone. My response was this: "Yes, but this message is vitally important to those of us with disabilities because all the messages out there tell us that we are unworthy, not good as, other, better off dead - it IS for US!"

The vast majority of us with disabilities who love ourselves, are comfortable in our own skins and who know our worth have had to travel a long journey to get to this place where we are. Every day, we deal with messages telling us we're unwanted, unloved, useless, worthless, pitiful, incompetent, ugly, other, better off dead. We see it in the way people stare at us, ridicule and exclude us, in the way we are forced to live in poverty and unemployment, in the way that laws that are supposed to prevent and protect us from discrimination aren't worth the paper it's written on. With all that, is it any wonder that many folks with disabilities would give anything not to be disabled? Is it any wonder that some disabled folks go to great lengths to hide or minimize their disability even to their own detriment? Is it any wonder that there are people with hidden disabilities, who, due to the fear of being stigmatized and treated as a second-class citizen, hide their disability so well that you could know them for decades, even all their lives and not know that they had a disability? Is it any small wonder that many of us internalize the ableism, disdain, even hatred that society directs at us? After all, we don't want to be seen as one of THOSE people!

Having gone through this, myself, when I hear messages from others with disabilities that say that we are beautiful, competent, loved, worthy, awesome, amazing, sexy, talented - I hold on to that with all my might! Needless to say, I get pretty damned frosty and salty when someone - most likely, nondisabled - pipes ups and says that the message meant for me and my community can apply to everyone. Oh HELL no - oh no you didn't just slide your butt up in here and try to minimize and trivalize the beautiful, powerful message given by one of our own and meant specifically for us! What, you don't have enough positive messages coming to you from your community that you have to try to steal and co-opt one of ours? Call me selfish but I'm not about to let that happen - I WILL call you out!

To me, when someone tries to universalize a message intended for a specific community, it's the same as derailing, which is taking someone ese's conversation and making it all about you and/or your group. Those of you who know me know in no uncertain terms how I feel about derailing. I feel the exact same way about universalizing, whether it's a message to a specific group, or a particular group's lived experience - just don't do it!

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On Value and Worth - A Black Person's (well, THIS Black person's) Perspective

8/31/2014

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A few days ago. I saw a post on Facebook that got me to thinking. It was written in the context of Michael Brown, the unarmed Black teenager shot to death by a White police officer. As some may know, Michael was to start college within a few days of his death. In a nutshell, the Facebook poster said that people shouldn't be valued more because they were good people or about to go to university, etc., because everyone's life is worthy. On the face of it, I agree. Still, I'd like to offer a prospective on this from a Black person's point of view - well - THIS Black person's point of view.

As a Black person, I hear every day how we, as a people, are stupid, lazy, criminals, worthless, less than, subhuman, animals, inferior, dumb, shiftless, good for nothing, ne 'er do-do-wells, miscreants, thugs. I hear how we commit the most crimes, have the most children out of wedlock, can't hold down a job, depend on welfare and other government handouts, don't have proper diction, are ugly apes, are repulsive - on and on and on, ad infinitum, ad nauseam. The only things we are good at, it seems, are having sex, playing sports and singing. Wow, that's pretty sad, isn't it?

I find it pretty nerve-wracking when non-Black folks - it seems it's ALWAYS non-Black folks - spout this stuff about how everyone is valued and worthy, when we Black folks see and experience life totally different. Take crime, for example. Punishment is based on the race of the victim, not the perpetrator. If a Black person kills a White person, especially a child, a cop or an elder, that person will most assuredly be punished to the fullest extent of the law, especially if the perpetrator doesn't have money (OJ got off due to a combination of his money and questionable cops - had he been poor, he'd be sitting on death row). A White person who kills someone Black might go to prison - maybe - and - I've not heard yet of a White person getting the death penalty for killing a Black person - not that I'm a proponent of the death penalty, but you know what I'm saying. If a police officer or other law enforcement officer is killed by anyone, Black, White, you name it, in some states, the perpetrator is automatically subject to the death penalty if they are convicted. Talk about some lives being worth more! I could go on an on, but you get the picture, right?

So, of course, when I hear something good about a Black person, I'm going to take notice and appreciate it. I get REALLY angry when people try to downplay the fact that Mike Brown was about to go to college - they sure play it up when a White kid dies! Look, the fact that Mike was headed to college is important to me. Contrary to popular opinion, education is VERY important to us Black folks! Many of us who manage to go to college are the first in our families to do so. So many of us want to go, but cannot afford to. So, for me, yes, Michael Brown's death WAS that much more of a tragedy!

I feel the same way about so-called "good" people. When all you hear about your race is how horrible we are, it is especially sad when someone is murdered who has no blemish on their life - the cops can't dig up stuff to sully their name or reputation. They didn't, or weren't suspected of being a gangbanger, stealing something, being a mean person - whatever. These days, even small Black children who are murdered can have their name dragged through the mud, so when I hear of a Black person who was pretty much pristine, yes, I'm going to feel that person's death more deeply.

Are these people's lives more worthy because they had, or was getting an education or because they were good people with unblemished records? Of course not! But, until a Black life is valued the same as a White life, good or bad, I've go to take what I can get, so yes, the death of a "good", educated or otherwise exemplary Black person IS that much more tragic to me.

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My Journey with ADAPT

8/29/2014

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Back then...

I was a shy, mousy 21-year-old, who rarely spoke, and when I did, barely above a whisper. I desperately wanted to work for social justice and social change. Having been born only three years before the death of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., I felt guilty for not being able to fight for the civil rights of Black people.

At 16, I got involved in the peace and justice movement, but never felt at home, and never felt as if I were a real part of things. Also, I was often the only Black person taking part in the activities.

How I found ADAPT.

I joined ADAPT in 1986. At the time, I was living in Chicago, IL, my home town. A friend of my godmother called her to see if there was anyone that she knew who would be interested in working as an attendant and interpreter for a man with disabilities. The man, Dennis Schreiber, was a member of ADAPT. He traveled often, and needed someone as back-up staff.

My godmother immediately thought of me, and suggested that I apply for the job. I did, and the rest is history. For the first two years, I just hung out, quietly participating in local actions. It was amazing to be involved in the work that ADAPT was doing locally with transportation issues. I also felt at home because there were people who either looked like me, or had similar experiences.

My first national action.

In March of 1988, I was finally able to go on my first national action - DC Siege/DOT. We had been trying for months to get a meeting with the Secretary of the Department of Transportation, Sam Skinner, to no avail. The action was very intense because we took over the headquarters in Washington, DC. The temperature outside was -4 degrees! We held the building for 30 hours until he finally agreed to work with us. I was forever hooked!

I meet Wade Blank and move to Colorado.

Shortly after joining ADAPT, I met Wade Blank, a national leader, and one of the co-founders. Shortly after meeting him, I moved to Colorado Springs, Colorado, to work with Atlantis/ADAPT. We often went to Denver to participate in actions or meetings, so I saw a lot of Wade, and learned more about organizing and activism.

In 1991, I moved to Denver to work in the main office as a community organizer, working directly with Wade, who became my mentor. Though Wade passed away only two years later, I felt enriched and blessed by being able to work with him. The pearls of wisdom that he sent my way were countless!

Over time, I grew from the aforementioned mousy chick, to a fiery activist.

I have become a national leader, sometimes helping with organizing and negotiations, but mostly helping to keep people informed, safe, and pumped up during the actions. I have also become a ham, of sorts, in ADAPT, singing, chanting, and helping to keep up our troops' spirits. Truth be told, I'm known more for being a ham than a leader!

ADAPT has changed my life. I learned how to be an activist, and catalyst for change.

I have learned (and am still learning) the political process, and policy making. Through ADAPT, I have done some really cool and amazing things. I was one of 50 ADAPT members who met with President Bill Clinton in the East Room of the White House. I have since met Presidents George W. Bush and Barack Obama.

I also helped to plan a successful two-week vigil in Colorado to protest budget cuts that could have sent hundreds of people with disabilities back into institutions, and participated in the Free Our People March, where 210 people wheeled and walked from Philadelphia, PA, to Washington, DC. ADAPT organized the March to bring awareness of, and to call for the passage of what became known as the Community Choice Act (CCA).

While living in Rochester, NY, I helped to plan a week-long vigil after the County Executive cancelled a local independent living center's consumer-directed care program contract, giving people with severe disabilities only ten days to find a home care agency that would accept them.

I now use the written word to teach and influence.

In addition to bringing out the fierce activist in me, ADAPT helped me to rekindle my love of writing. I began writing articles for Incitement, ADAPT's newsletter. Soon, I was asked to write guest columns for newspapers, magazines and blogs. I found that people liked what I wrote, even if they disagreed with me. Many people tell me that they have gained a new perspective from reading my writing and that they have learned new things.

There are two things that I'm especially proud of - I wrote a guide to planning and carrying out vigils and protests that has been used by activists around the country, and an article of mine was included in historian Howard Zinn's book, Voices of A People's History of the United States. It was the only article in the entire book that dealt with disability rights. To say that I am honored is a vast understatement!

Giving thanks...

With that, I want to thank my ADAPT family for taking me in and putting up with me. I am not the easiest person to like, yet you've accepted and loved me for almost three decades, even though I must have driven many of you up the proverbial wall. I especially want to thank those ADAPT chapters that - horror of horrors - had to deal with me living in your cities - Chicago, Colorado Springs, Denver, Philadelphia, Washington, DC, and Rochester, New York.

ADAPT is my life and unless you send me packing, you're stuck with me until I draw my last breath. Even when and if I can no longer be active, I will always hold you in my heart and I will always lift you up. My only hope is that I have given even one-tenth as much to you as you have given to me, and if there is anything that you know for certain about me, it's that I love you with all of my heart and soul!

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Please Help Colorado ADAPT Get to Little Rock, Arkansas, to Fight for Disability Rights!

8/28/2014

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Look, folks, I'm no fundraiser by ANY stretch of the imagination and frankly, I HATE asking people for money - I'd rather chug a bottle of Drano, get burned at the stake, be drawn and quartered, get stung to death by a swarm of killer bees, be eaten alive by a giant spider - okay, you get the picture, right? I don't like asking people for money, especially in this economic climate, especially when most of my friends are like me - poor and struggling.

This is different - it's not for me, but for Colorado ADAPT, my chapter - one of the 43 chapters of ADAPT, a national, grassroots disability rights organization that has been around for 30 years.

I joined ADAPT back in 1986, when I was living in Chicago, IL, my home town. Back then, I was a shy, mousy 21-year old who never spoke above a whisper. Those who know me now know that ADAPT changed me completely. Some of you have watched me grow up in ADAPT.

What many of you may not know is that ADAPT is my LIFE! To say that it is important to me and important in my life is a VAST understatement. I would not be who and what I am if it were not for ADAPT; if it weren't for ADAPT, I most likely would not be alive today!

That is why I am writing asking you to make a donation to Colorado ADAPT so that we can go to Little Rock, Arkansas to help fight for disability rights. I PROMISE you, folks - the ONLY time you'll see or hear me asking for donations, it will be for ADAPT!

To learn more about ADAPT, click here.

To make a quick and easy donation, click here.

If you want to write a check AND want to get an idea of how your donation will be used, check out the letter below.

Please Help Colorado ADAPT Get to Little Rock, Arkansas, to Fight for Disability Rights!

August 28, 2014

To Friends and Family of Colorado ADAPT:

As many of you may know, there are two national ADAPT actions each year--one every spring in our nation’s capital, Washington, DC, and usually the other in the fall of the year at a location where our collective presence seems necessary.

Little Rock, Arkansas is the chosen destination for the trip coming up September 13--18, 2014, and we are fortunate that airline rates from Denver to Little Rock are at surprisingly low prices! That, along with extremely reasonable hotel rates, should make it possible to send a good number of activists from Denver to this action, but, as always, we will still need a good number of sponsors to make this trip a reality.

Unfortunately, the legislators in Arkansas still believe in the institutional bias, so our job will be to convince them that people with disabilities are better served in the community. We will be advocating for the Community First Choice Option to be implemented there to ensure all people with disabilities living in Arkansas have access to community based personal care; and continue voicing strong support for COMMUNITY INTEGRATION, not SEGREGATION!

Hopefully we can count on your support in this effort.

Please mail donations to

10000 E. Alameda Ave., #217

Denver CO, 80247

Attention: Dawn Russell

FREE OUR PEOPLE!

Colorado ADAPT

Lisa and I will be driving to Little Rock to join our ADAPT sisters and brothers. Any donation you can make is more than welcome!

Let me give you a breakdown of what your donation can accomplish:

$5 can go towards getting water for all of our activists.

$10 can go towards gas for the vans that transport our activists when their wheelchairs break down.

$20 can feed an activist for an entire day - trust me, we eat CHEAP on these actions!

$50 can go towards a room for an activist.

$100 can go towards a room for one night for two activists.

Remember, ANY donation is acceptable and is tax deductible!

Please make checks payable to ADAPT. Be sure to tell them Anita sent you!

Thank you VERY much!

Anita

If you would like to donate using a credit or debit card, here is the link to our Tilt campaign. It's encrypted and very secure and they don't keep your credit card information.

https://www.tilt.com/campaigns/help-colorado-adapt-get-to-little-rock-arkansas
If you cannot give, I understand. Please pass it along to your friends whom you believe may be able to give.
Again, thanks!

Anita

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Police And People With Disabilities: Why Do They Kill Us?

8/25/2014

1 Comment

The recent murder by police of Eric Garner, Ezell Ford and Kajieme Powell has got me to thinking about the oppression of disabled people of color, particularly Black folks. Although the oppression of people with disabilities and the oppression of people of color, particularly Black people, are different forms of oppression, things get pretty complicated when you're dealing with both in one person. Trust me, as a Black disabled lesbian, I'm fully aware of intersectionality and it's importance.

Still, I'm very angry about the fact that increasingly, interactions between disabled people of color and law enforcement results in the death or serious injury of the person whom the police are responding to. Why does that happen? Why do they brutalize and kill us?

Two things stand out for me when I read or hear about these murders. 1. The person with a disability is almost always a Black man. 2. Their disability is almost always hidden; most often, it is a psychiatric disability, but autistic folks have been murdered by cops, as well. Now, haters, I'm not saying that White folks with disabilities don't get murdered by cops. I'm saying that the vast majority of disabled folks getting killed are Black and folks of color. Nor am I saying that the murder of someone Black or of color is more important than someone White because it isn't, BUT, society values Whites far more than Blacks and people of color, so the murder of a White person produces more outrage AND a White person is far more likely to get justice than someone Black or of color.

I've come to the conclusion that police, like most in society, don't give a rip about disability, especially if they cannot see it. In addition, people with mental health disabilities are often stigmatized and criminalized, so cops have very little patience with someone who is going though a crisis. Compounding this is the fact that Black men and teenage boys are seen as menacing, threatening, thugs and criminals even when they are unarmed and/or minding their own business; this even applies to little boys. Further, Blacks and other folks of color are more likely to be accused of faking, exaggerating or using their disability as an excuse for acting out. Together, these factors are a perfect recipe for tragedy.

These days, it seems that police and other law enforcement are trained to mistrust everyone, especially if they are Black or other folks of color. To me, it seems that to a cop, every Black person is a suspect, a criminal, a thug, an animal, a rabid dog, good only to be shot. I think of the line in that 2Pac song, "Changes": "Cops give a damn about a negro? Pull the trigger, kill a n----, he's a hero." Even when they are acting civil and nice, I catch the vibe that they don't respect me.

For you folks who know nice cops, or who have family members who are (or were) members of law enforcement - that's great - I'm glad because you are indeed fortunate. I'm sure there are some out there, but it has been my experience and that of the majority of Blacks and folks of color that cops, no matter the race or gender, see us as the enemy. I include Black cops, cops of color and women cops in this because if they want to succeed, they HAVE to be better at the White cops' game than White cops are. Yes, I know that in ADAPT, we are taught that the police are not our enemy. That may work - sometimes - at an action, but in real life, I KNOW where I stand with them. Still, I am respectful towards them, not only because I'm just that type of person and I like to give everyone a chance, but also because I know that disrespecting a cop could cost me my life! Another thing about so-called "good cops" that bothers me is no matter how angry and embarrassed that they are by their colleagues' behavior, they choose to uphold the culture of silence and not report or speak out against their fellow cops. That speaks volumes to me! In my opinion, your silence makes you part of the problem, so until you can find the gonads to speak up publicly, you can get out my face with your "shame and anger" - tell that mess to someone who will believe you, because it's certainly NOT me!

With that, is it any surprise that police often brutalize people with disabilities? Of course not. Cops are human and unfortunately, humans don't like humans who are different than them or their group. We folks with disabilities are seen as useless, worthless objects of pity. People would rather be dead than be us. We are still fighting for civil and human rights that others take for granted. Programs, agencies and legislators try to put a price tag on our freedom, indeed, our very lives. Policies are made about us without consulting us and they don't understand or care when we get angry about it. In community life, we are an afterthought, at best; most often, we're not even on the radar. Most diversity training programs don't even include us, so it's no wonder that police aren't trained on how to interact with us. Unfortunately, these amped up cops don't have a shred of patience or empathy - one of the officers sent to calm down Keith Vidal, a White 18 year old with schizophrenia, said, "I don't have time for this" - then, shot him dead! Kajieme Powell, who was clearly going through a mental health crisis, was shot dead 14 seconds after police arrived on the scene!

What can be done to stop this? What can we, as people with disabilities, Blacks and people of color do to make police see our humanity and our worth so that they will stop killing us on a whim? What will it take? I don't have the answers but I do know that we are tired. The killing must end.

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A Statement Of Solidarity With The People Of Ferguson, Missouri

8/20/2014

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First, I would like to offer my deepest, most heartfelt condolences to the family of Michael Brown. My thoughts and prayers are with you as you go through what no parent should ever have to go through.

Dear People of Ferguson, Missouri,

My name is Anita Cameron, and I am a Black woman living with disabilities. I am here to say that I stand in solidarity with you. I stand with you in mourning and frustration and rage over the murder of Michael Brown, who was unarmed, by Darren Wilson, a member of the Ferguson Police Department. I stand in solidarity with you as you demand answers and demand justice for Michael.

As a person with disabilities, I am aware that Michael's murder is one in a very long list of Black people, particularly, young men, who have been murdered with impunity by police all around this nation. Most often, no charges are filed, and in the rare cases when the officers are brought to trial, they are either acquitted or given what amounts to a slap on the wrist. I, too, live under the systemic, institutionalized racism that makes Black lives and Black bodies unworthy, less than, criminal, other.

I stand with you in your anguish, frustration and rage as the police try their best to smear Michael's name and dehumanize him.

I stand with you in your peaceful, nonviolent protests, even as your town is militarized like a war zone and the police and outside agitators and local opportunists try to goad you and turn your peaceful protests into violence. Hold on and stand strong against them - YOU know violence is NOT the answer to injustice!

I pray for your safety, for the safety and well-being of Ferguson, for the journalists and peaceful visitors and supporters.

I stand in solidarity with you in the name of Michael Brown, Kimani Gray, Kendrec McDade, Oscar Grant, Sean Bell, Amadou Diallo, Abner Louima, Ousmane Zongo, Aaron Campbell and all of the Black men and women murdered by police. May justice and peace prevail!

In Solidarity,
Anita Cameron
Denver, Colorado

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Stop Derailing This Conversation!

8/16/2014

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Some of my friends will be angry with me for this, but it MUST be said - STOP derailing this conversation about what's going on in Ferguson, Missouri!

Let me lay out for you what derailing is. Derailing is a tactic used by people in privileged groups, allies, and marginalized groups to silence or distract from the opinion or conversation of a marginalized person or group and make it all about themselves. Many folks in privileged groups do this a lot, and quite intentionally, but people in marginalized groups do it, too, often without realizing it.

Derailing occurs mostly because someone got their feelings hurt over something that someone in a marginalized group said or did, so they get defensive and say things like, "all that anger isn't helping you or your cause", or "White people get shot by cops, too", or "my Black friend said that you should be angry about all the Black on Black crime". Some of the points may be valid, but don't belong in that particular conversation.

I'm seeing this a lot with the Michael Brown murder. Folks are saying all kinds of stuff to distract us from the main thing here, which is that there is a rising epidemic of Black folks, particularly, young men, being murdered by cops for doing absolutely NOTHING! I've seen all kinds of derailing tactics, from blaming Mike for his own death by trying to smear his name with lies that he assaulted the cop, and that he was involved in a robbery (news flash folks - both stories are untrue - the guy in the video is clearly NOT Michael, and even if he was, he wouldn't have deserved to die), to people complaining about Black on Black and Black on White crime, to people saying that all cops aren't bad, to folks getting disability issues in the mix - you name it!

In ADAPT, we are taught how not to get issues mixed up, so the disability part in this derailing is particularly disturbing to me. First, let me say this: I am BLACK - when you see me, that's what you see - a Black person. It doesn't matter that I'm also Latina, Choctaw and French because I don't have the phenotypical characteristics of these folks. In other words, I don't look "mixed", so what you see is a Black person. Unless I told you, you'd never know that I am a lesbian; in fact, despite my rather ample endowments, I am often mistaken for a man, especially, since I have a deep, bass voice. If I were not in my wheelchair or on my cane, or if you didn't see me holding things up to my eyes to see, you'd never know that I'm also disabled. You would, however, know that I am Black. That is why, for me, being Black is my primary identifier. The vast majority of the discrimination I experience is based on the color of my skin. That's why all of this hits close to home for me. Now, I've spent almost 30 years fighting for the rights of people with disabilities and have put my body on the line countless times, including 119 arrests, so don't go hating on me for what I'm about to say.

We folks with disabilities need to get off of this derailment bandwagon. If you didn't know that comparing what happened to Mike Brown to what happens to disabled folks is a form of derailment, now you know - it is! That is a very valid, but separate conversation - let's not mix the issues!

Here is a blatant form of derailment: Someone posted an old video of a cop dumping a guy out of his wheelchair, asking why didn't that incident receive the level of outrage as what happened in Ferguson, MO. Folks, I'm almost totally blind, but trust me, I saw RED - and posted this scathing comment: "This ish is horrible, and the cop should be fired and JAILED! BUT it's NOT on the same level as what happened in Ferguson - PLEASE stop trying to compare the two - they are VASTLY different situations! Look, I'm disabled, but I'm BLACK - the issues are DIFFERENT and I'm tired of the conversation being derailed like that - it's totally offensive! What that jerk-ass cop did to Brian was HORRIBLE and he needs to LOSE HIS JOB and be JAILED, but lets not confuse the two issues - the abuse and marginalization of people with disabilities needs to STOP RIGHT NOW, but comparing it with the systemic racism inherent in our police system, indeed, in the very fabric of life as a Black person is just NOT cool! I'm far more likely to get killed for Living While Black than for being disabled!"

A more subtle and well-meaning form of derailment was when a disability group posted a letter of solidarity with the people of Ferguson and used incidents of folks with disabilities being killed by cops in their letter. Again, this is a VERY valid conversation that needs to be had, but not in the context of Ferguson. That would be like the disability community speaking about how wrong it is that disability is often seen as a fate worse than death, and some Black person or some group like the NAACP chimes in about how Black folks get discriminated against all the time. Valid point, but different conversation, folks - it is NOT the same as folks with disabilities fighting for rights that even many Black folks take for granted!

What I wish the disability group had done was simply stand in solidarity and name the names of Black folks murdered by cops in that lettter. Trust me, I understand about intersectionality, and there are times when the mixed conversations need to be had, but again, not in this context.

Look, folks, I'm NOT saying don't join the conversation. I'm NOT saying not to be allies and stand in solidarity. I'm just saying, let's have this conversation and reflect and mourn and deal with this in the context of Black folks. Right now, this is about us. All I'm asking every other group out there to do is to listen to us and respect our lived experience of Black folks almost routinely, with impunity, being killed by cops for doing nothing. Right now, this is about us, so please STOP derailing this!

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Poem #2

8/15/2014

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Janet said it
best
What have you done for me
lately
Truth is I've done absolutely
nothing
But
Love you, cheer you on, hold you in my heart and
soul
That counts for nothing, though
See
I haven't had the
spoons
To do anything else
'cause I'm dealing with my own
ish
That you wouldn't understand or care about
Still
I want to be part of you 'cause you in my
blood
brain
heart
soul
I want you to love me with all my
flaws
Because I love you, treasure you, adore you with all
yours
I need to know if you want me
Or
Should I just stop trying and
go
away

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Poem #1

8/15/2014

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If I came
Would you tell me to leave
go
back
home
You're not welcome here
Because
You did nothing
for
me
I must know now
Where you stand
So that I can
go
away
And never bother you
Again

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It's Not My Country - It Never Was!

8/13/2014

1 Comment

I've got to write about this before I scream! I've got to get this off my chest, off my back, off my soul before I succumb to the effects of the vicarious trauma that I teach my CERT students about. I am a Black American, but this is NOT my country - and I'm slowly accepting the fact that it never was, and never will be!

The situation going on in Ferguson, MO, after the shooting of 18 year old Michael Brown, a Black kid who was unarmed, walking down the street with his friend, minding his own business, has gotten pretty volatile, with cops running around in full riot gear, occupying the town. A peaceful vigil and protest turned into rioting and looting and guess what - I fully understand why! Now before you haters start saying that I condone this, hear me - I don't. I am a peace and justice activist after the style of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. , so I'm not into violence and don't want it around me. Still, I fully understand the level of frustration and anger that would lead someone, even a community, down that path.

It's hell being Black these days. Hell, it was hell being Black in this country from the beginning, but at least then, you knew you had no rights. Now, what makes it so bad is that we live under the illusion that we have rights, but what good is it when you are universally hated? Rights don't mean a damn thing when you can die at the hand of some anonymous White guy or White cop simply for the crime of Living While Black - and you know that they will get away with it! Equality isn't equality when you are profiled because you're Black, when the media willfully misrepresents you because you're Black, painting you as stupid, lazy criminals, good for nothing but death.

Oh, but I'm not supposed to get angry about this, because if I do, then, I'm feeling sorry for myself. I'm not supposed to get mad that the media will splash across the headlines, every crime some Black person does, or every stupid thing some famous Black person does, yet won't say a peep about Black scientists, Black child prodigies, Black geniuses, Black teenagers doing good in school and doing positive thing in and for their communities, Black heroes, Black doctors, Black inventors, or anything good that Black people do. If its printed at all, it's downplayed because the media benefits from vilifying, demonizing, objectifying, devaluing and outright lying about Black folks. Our lives ain't worth a damn!

The reality of Black life is that you have to be 100 times better than anyone else to get the tiniest bit of respect. In college, I busted my butt to be better, academically, than my classmates because you know, Black folks are dumb; we all got in through affirmative action, right? WRONG! Even when we are pristine good, totally innocent, if something bad happens to us, we deserve it, because by being Black, we've already committed a crime.

White racists and Tea Party folks whine about wanting their country back. I'm no fool - I know that's code for wanting Black folks gone or at least, back on the plantation. It's bad enough that the systemic racism in place means that if we're not careful enough, don't work hard enough, not lucky enough, not smart enough or not mentally strong enough, we'll wind up where they want us - in prison or the grave.

We Black folks need to wake up and understand that the notion of equality is a farce, an illusion. We need to understand that though we were born here and love this country and are loyal to this country and will die for this country, that it is NOT ours! If the last few years of cops and others killing us with impunity and getting away with it hasn't shown us anything, nothing will.

How much more of this can we take before a violent revolution happens? I don't know, but I do know this: revolution is at our doorstep - it may only take one more killing of an unarmed Black person by cops before all hell breaks loose. Do I want a revolution? Not if it's violent because violence, ultimately, is NOT the answer.

Unfortunately, I understand from whence this boiling anger comes. I'm going through it right now, knowing that I'm judged and suspect because I'm Black and knowing that this country that I love so much isn't mine and never will be. I can only do what I know best - continue to promote peace and nonviolence and be the best person that I can be.

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