Musings Of An Angry Black Womyn
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Disability Poverty: Modernize Thoughts and Actions, Not Just Benefits!

9/28/2014

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The overwhelming majority of people with disabilities live in poverty - not just poverty, but abject poverty. Our unemployment rate overall is upwards of 70%; among groups with certain disabilities, the unemployment rate is upwards of 90%! Oddly, the bigwigs, leaders and decision makers in this country refuse to see this for the injustice it is.

Most of us with disabilities desperately want to work, but face massive discrimination 24 years after the passage of the Americans with Disabilities Act. Today, qualified applicants with disabilities are being discriminated against in the hiring process because employers have become creative in their discrimination tactics, and good employees with disabilities are being unfairly terminated because of their disabilities, but employers are hiding behind lies, little-used laws and other creative reasoning to explain the firing.

Many people with disabilities rely on SSI, SSDI, or other state and government cash benefits programs to survive. With these come medical insurance, such as Medicaid or Medicare, which sometimes pays for medical equipment and long term care needs, such as attendant services. Some of us may have vouchers to pay for some or all of the cost of our housing, but that's not always the case. The downside of these programs is that they keep us stuck in poverty by severely limiting the assets that we can have, or how much money we can make or have on hand or in the bank. If we go over the strictly set limit, even by one dollar, we lose our benefits!

Some groups and lawmakers feel that in order to address the issue of unemployment, there needs to be programs that target and hire folks with disabilities for employment, particularly for the government. That's all fine and well, but that looks and smells a lot like Affirmative Action, which was supposed to help Black folks get hired, but you know how that turned out for us - it was beset with stigma and resentment. It seems that similar programs for disabled folks are just as ineffective, because the rate of unemployment for us has risen, not fallen.

There are also groups that feel that benefits programs for our community needs to be modernized so that we can work and still receive benefits, particularly medical benefits. Though I fully agree with that, I believe that it's more than benefits that should be modernized.

Too many people with disabilities feel that if they work, they'll lose benefits, which often happens. Unfortunately, so many of us are so ingrained (through fear) in our poverty that we'll turn down a good paying job with insurance benefits because we are afraid of losing our Medicaid, not knowing that there are Medicaid buy-in programs if certain services that we need aren't covered by private insurance. Also, some unscrupulous employers are cashing in on this and refusing to pay us livable, decent wages because of this. More on that later.

So, while I believe that benefits need to be modernized, we disabled folks need to modernize our thought processes, imposed on us by the oppressors, and stop believing that we have to live in poverty. If I'm making 30k or 45k a year, with full benefits, there is no need for me to be on SSI/SSDI, which keeps us mired in poverty.

It's not just those of us with disabilities who need to modernize the thoughts that society and the oppressors have put on us. Society, itself, needs to get over the fallacious ideas it clings to about us. We are not burdens better off dead. We are not objects of pity or disdain. We are not cash cows to be made money off of by warehousing us in nursing homes, medicalizing everything we use, even spoons and pencils, by trying to eradicate us with cures and research, knowing that most of the money goes into CEO's pockets, by our slave labor, because we're shut away in sheltered workshops and charity organizations making pennies an hour while CEOs make millions a year. We are not liabilities to be turned away from jobs, schools, restaurants and public places. We are beautiful, with many talents and gifts to offer if you'd just open your minds. We are human beings worthy of life, love, respect, dignity and the human and civil rights that you have, but take for granted. Just as there is no price on your freedom and dignity, there should be no price on ours. We should not be told that it costs too much to care for us in our communities, that it costs too much to provide public accommodations so that we can live and participate in our communities, that it costs too much to educate us, that it costs too much to put us into the mainstream workplace and that it cost too much to protect our civil and human rights.

This humanization of our community needs to start even before birth. Pregnant women need to be told not to abort their disabled babies, but love them and prepare them for a good life. Disabled children need a good, equal education that will prepare them for college or barring that, a good, well-paying job, not a nursing home or sheltered workshop.

The laws designed to protect us from discrimination in the workplace are ineffective, at best. It often takes years or even decades for a case to be resolved and often, we lose. Besides, crafty employers know how to get around a discrimination lawsuit. Also, the fear is often so deeply ingrained in us that we'll suffer injustice, rather than fight back.

Another thing that happens is that some employers have figured out how to cash in on our fears of losing our benefits by not paying us what everyone else gets, citing their "concern" that we'll lose our SSI/SSDI, when all they're really concerned about is their bottom line. What's worse, and I've seen and experienced it, is when nonprofit disability organizations, like independent living centers do it. What benefits we get are none of your business; it's our responsibility to report to Social Security or any other agency that we're working and how much we're making, and take it from there. It is infantilizing, at best and discrimination, at worst, not to pay someone with a disability equal wages because of "concern" about their benefits status - it's the person's concern and their business, not yours - in fact, the question shouldn't even be asked!

Almost everyone with disabilities can work in some fashion, but we are told to our faces that we cannot work, yet society believes that we are shiftless and lazy. This double-think is mind-boggling and must stop! You can't have it both ways. You can't tell us what we can't do, and when we accept this, call us lazy, shiftless scammers intent on living off of society. If you politicians care about our country and our economy, you will truly include people with disabilities into all of your equations, your plans and your political platforms, with comprehensive and effective planning on how this will be done, not just mention us in a speech just to gain points with us, or make some long-winded, ineffective gesture on ADA or Olmstead Day that you know won't be fulfilled.

People with disabilities are a vast, untapped resource begging to be utilized. How, then, do we make it so that more of us are employed and employable, making decent, livable wages? Modernizing benefits will help. Getting rid of laws and loopholes that allow people with disabilities to be paid subminimum wages and stipends is another. Intensive training and education programs inside and outside state vocational rehabilitation programs can help, as well, but care must be taken not to skim off the easiest folks or shunt people with disabilities into certain career paths simply because it's easier to place them there. There also needs to be widespread, intensive, effective and mandatory training for employers about the value of having employees with disabilities. Human resource people and others who train people and write books on how to get a job need to factor in people with disabilities into that training and rethink the tips that they are giving job hunters, because some of those tips, by their very nature, excludes people with disabilities. Also, the laws that protect us from discrimination needs to be strengthened and the lawsuit process must be streamlined. Employers must know with certainty that they will face real, severe reprocussions if they discriminate against us based on our disabilities.

However, these are short-term, now or near-future solutions. What is really needed are long-term solutions that begin during childhood. Children with disabilities need to be integrated into classes with nondisabled kids, and not resented or seen as distractions. If they cannot be integrated, they still need to be given a real education, not special education, because it is neither special, nor education to spend your day drawing, coloring and playing when your intellectual abilities indicate that you can be educated and/or trained to work and live independently with services and supports. Students with disabilities who have an IEP, but who take and complete the same courses as nondisabled students must receive the same kind of diploma at graduation as their peers. Further, colleges should not be allowed to discriminate against students with intellectual and learning disabilities, and should have more programs designed for them, so that they, too, can achieve gainful employment when they graduate.

One final solution is this: The criminalization of Black children in particular, as well as other children of color with disabilities via the pipeline to prison must end. Now. Today. A child in the throes of an autistic or mental health meltdown is not committing a crime. Teachers and school officials must be trained in how to de-escalate the situation, not call the police. Police have absolutely no place in our schools - when they are present, Black kids and other kids of color with disabilities suffer! They gain a criminal record, which is a serious deterrent to their education and their ability to get a job.

The extremely high unemployment rate for people with disabilities in this country is a national tragedy, catastrophe, and shame. Sadly, it doesn't hold enough importance in the minds of the powerful and the powers that be, for them to create and implement bold, powerful and effective solutions to counter this. Since I cannot fathom what the reasons are that they refuse to address this, I can only imagine that there is some unknown benefit to keeping our community mired in poverty.

My people with disabilities, it's time for us to rise up! We need to rise up in a nonviolent revolution for jobs and dignity, just like Dr. King was planning when he was assassinated. We should do marches, protests and sit-ins, just like the Freedom Fighters did for Black people because otherwise, nothing will change. Yes, voting is of the utmost importance, but that is only one tool in our toolbox, besides, politicians will promise the moon to get your vote, then, give you nothing when they get elected - then, it's another two, four, or six years before they're out. Besides, with the new voting laws, it's becoming more difficult to vote if you aren't part of the dominant culture, belong to the wrong political party, or don't have government issued identification. Because we are poor and perceived to be powerless, direct action and nonviolent civil disobedience are our most powerful tools and the only thing the powers that be will pay attention to when you don't have money. We should not be afraid because we'll be doing this not just for ourselves, but for those who cannot do it and those who will come after us. Never forget that our great nation was founded on protest, and that protest was the only way that many of us get our civil rights. Having a job is not a privilege, having a job, if you are able to work, is a right and a responsibility. We must fight for that right and responsibility because nobody is going to give it to us!



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What People Think Really Does Matter!

9/23/2014

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I am tired beyond words of all the happy, happy, joy, joy, Pollyanna memes that I am currently seeing on all social media exhorting us to be happy, don't pay attention to sadness or injustice in your life or don't worry about what other people think because it doesn't matter. These memes, along with the people writing this stuff on their statuses and tweets say, trust in god, don't let the negativity take space inside your head, rise above it, be positive and all kinds of other stuff that I find nauseating, at best and infuriating and disingenuous, at worst. What really gets to me is the implied shaming that occurs - if you let what people think and say bother you, somehow, you are not as good as the people who let it roll off of their backs, or who have tough skin. The memes and posts imply that if you don't do as they suggest, you are weak, inferior and deserving of sadness.

Why do I feel this way? Because I am a realist and have no time for this hogwash. I am sure, as some of these memes are coming from folks whom I admire and love, that people mean well, but I just can't buy it. What people think of you DOES make a difference, especially if you are Black, a person of color, disabled, trans, gay or lesbian, poor, or otherwise marginalized. Since most of the folks posting these memes either don't belong to marginalized groups, or can pass as part of the dominant culture, I'll tell you why it is true that what people think does matter.

The reason that what people think about you matters is that people can make decisions about you and your life that cause emotional pain, physical harm, or even death. This is not an abstract thing; it's not my warped perception. It is the stark truth and silly, cutesy, obnoxious and dangerous memes designed to sooth feelings or make you rely on invisible entities to make it better does nothing to address this.




If you think I'm being negative, unreasonable or downright lying, try talking to people who have been bullied. That old adage, sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never harm me is an outright lie. Words hurt. Words kill. You can think positive all you want and you can love yourself with all your might, but after a while, relentless bullying and abuse will take its toll.

If you still think that I don't know what I'm talking about, spend some time talking with a person with a disability who has been denied housing or a job based on their disability, or who has had cruel things said to them before being told they couldn't enter a public place. Tell your cutesy crap to someone stuck in a nursing home solely because of what someone thought of him or her. What people think about you matters when people who think it's better to be dead than disabled are making and pushing legislation and policies that govern your life and decides whether you live or die. It sure as hell matters when a parent who kills a nondisabled child is seen as a monster and a parent who kills a disabled child is seen as a hero, long-suffering, deserving of sympathy, rather than revulsion.

Tell that to the trans woman beaten to within an inch of her life, or the parents, friends and loved ones of trans women murdered every year.

Go ahead, tell that to a gay or lesbian person living in shame that what people think about them doesn't matter when they live in fear of being found out and disowned by their parents, lose custody of their children, get fired from their jobs or excommunicated from their church, temple, mosque, synagogue or other faith community. What people think matters when the penalty for being gay or lesbian in some countries is death!

What people think matters to the fat people shamed, ridiculed and discriminated against every day, even if they do love themselves and have a thick skin. 

When you, as a Black person, are seen as a gorilla or an animal by law enforcement and decision makers in your community and are treated accordingly, it's obvious that what people think matters a lot! Trust me, the thousands of Black men, women, and children murdered or abused by police or White vigilantes for walking, sitting or living while Black suffered these horrors precisely because of what someone thought of them, personally or of Black people, in general. Those thoughts caused the person responsible for their death or injury to react in a way that reflected how they felt about the person whom they harmed or killed.

So, stop it, ok? Stop trying to feed people the disingenuous notion that what people think of you doesn't matter and that all you have to do is be positive and happy and depend on the invisible entity that some call god and everything will be ok, because - let's get real, folks - it doesn't work like that. What people think of you can and does affect you, whether you want it to ot not. It's not a matter of "allowing" it, because in many cases, you have no choice. No matter how positive or happy you are, what people think of you can still impact you.

Oh, and, please, folks, stop throwing and blaming everything on god. It's not fair to god and frankly, it's just plain lazy and dependent. Though I often feel powerless and angry, I have no choice but to fight. I take my anger and try to channel it into doing something big and positive, like speaking out against injustice and fighting for disability rights or something so small as trying to be understanding and nonjudgmental towards others. When it gets to be too much, I write. It's my medicine, my therapy, the way I process things. I write the anger away so that I can be an effective activist. It's my way of taking control in a world where often, it seems that I have no control or power.

In closing, what I'm saying is this: Be very mindful and careful of the things and memes that you post and tweet. You may mean well and want to be positive, but sometimes, what you post may have the opposite effect of what you intended, especially if the post or meme implies that a person is less than, or undeserving or bring misfortune upon his or herself if they don't agree with what you've posted. Remember that often what you've posted may seem simple and straightforward to you - if you live by it - wonderful, but understand that for some of us, indeed, most of us, life and our own situations are far more complex than a simple meme. Think before you post because simple memes and adages, though on the face of it may seem positive, often discount many people's lived experiences and can be triggering. Try to understand that what works for you may not work for others. Finally, know beyond a shadow of a dout that words DO hurt and what people think of you DOES matter! 


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 I Ain't Here For You - Musings of An Angry Black Womyn

9/20/2014

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I've been here for everyone else all my life. I've wasted precious time and energy worrying about what other folks felt and thought because if I didn't, somehow I was either punished, shunned or got into some kind of trouble. I had it literally beat into me that I didn't matter; it was all about other folks. Even as an adult, when I'd try breaking out of those thoughts and think of myself, I'd find myself in some kind of political trouble, and I'd pay, sometimes dearly, for my insolence. I have come to learn that some folks who say they love me only do so when I'm doing what they want or saying what they want to hear. As long as I am safe for them, they're ok with me, but when my fierce, independent side surfaces, - oh lawd- then, at the worst, I'm just a bitch and c---, and at best, I'm just another angry Black woman to be discounted, silenced, put in my place. Frankly, I'm sick and tired of living my life always being there for others and worrying about how others feel instead of being there for me. So, I have decided - and must keep remembering this - I'm not here for you. My true friends, those who truly know and truly love me will understand where I'm coming from; they'll understand the spirit that I'm saying this in. The ones who don't know me, don't like me, don't respect me or just don't "get" me - oh well! I don't apologize if you choose to be offended and I stand by what I say.

Having said that, I'm going to offer up some other musings from this Angry Black Womyn. They're my original thoughts, so if you quote 'em, quote 'em right and give me my props!

First, lets talk about my name - Angry Black Woman. I've had people, even friends, express trepidation, concern and even offense at it. I'll not sugarcoat my thought: You have the nerve to be offended by my name? I've done nothing but take back and own the name you've put on me all of my adult life. If you can't get past the name to hear my wisdom, then, your mind is small, indeed - there is nothing that I can say or do for you!

Another thought, folks - I ain't here to win hearts and minds - I'm here to speak the truth. If the truth upsets and offends you, so be it!

By all accounts, I'm not a bad or an evil person, but people can't stand me, so I must be doing something good.

Here's the deal, folks - I'm not creating controversy by what I say and do, I'm just exposing the unaddressed conflict that was already there to begin with!


I'm so sick and tired of people spouting hate speech and calling it free speech. STOP confusing hate speech with free speech. There IS a difference - learn it! If you're denigrating, insulting, putting down or calling for the injury or elimination of someone or a group of people based on their race, color, religion, place of birth, gender, sexual orientation, or disability, you're spouting hate speech, NOT free speech! Your right to free speech ends when you start talking hate. If you don't understand that, you are truly lost.

If there's one thing I've known since I was a small child, it's this: Civil rights aren't given. You have to fight to get them, then, fight to keep them. Nobody, especially minorities, folks with disabilities and other marginalized groups got, or are getting their rights because some politician thought it was a cool thing to do. Every right we have was gained in blood, sweat and tears, with bodies and lives sometimes given in the struggle. All of our rights were gained by direct action, protests and nonviolent civil disobedience. ANYONE, politician or ordinary citizen, who tells you otherwise is at best, obtuse, and at worst, dangerous!


Ok, one last thing that has been on my mind while in Little Rock, Arkansas, with ADAPT fighting for disability rights: A lot of us in the disability rights arena seem to forget that we stand on the shoulders of the Little Rock Nine and other Freedom Fighters. We didn't do this by ourselves; we had help. They blazed the trail for us. They made it possible. Our movement stands on their backs and we'd better not forget it! We've been fortunate that, though some of our brothers and sisters died on actions, it was due to illness. NONE of us ever died at the hands of cops or racists while fighting for our rights. Though many of us, including me got our asses kicked by cops during protests, NONE of us went through anything like what our freedom fighting Ancestors went through. And, if you think all that is old school, I've got one word for you - Ferguson! What I'm saying is STOP equating the two movements - Disability civil rights and Black civil rights - as one and the same because they are vastly different! Trust me, we've got it EASY in comparison! When we start getting hosed, dogs sic'd on us, shot, tasered, tear gassed - when we start having tanks and other military equipment show up at our protests - when the cops start stomping our asses and beating the crap out of us FOR REAL - then we can talk about how hard it is! Until that day, we need to remember and thank those who went before us, sit at the feet of those still around, and take heed and LEARN! 

So there you have it - musings from your favorite (or infamous) Angry Black Womyn. Chew on that for a while until I get back, eh?

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I Don't Get It: Lack of Access at Doctor's Offices

9/9/2014

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Back in August, I had an appointment with my new doctor. I got there a few minutes early and saw that the office was in a residential neighborhood full of those Victorian style homes with a million steps up to the front door. This office was no exception, but it DID have a VERY nice ramp. The problem was that the ramp had a gate and the gate was locked! I sat there in my wheelchair utterly flabbergasted and pissed off, especially since, at the time, I didn't have my cell phone with me to call them. In hindsight, it was probably good that I didn't have it, as I was pretty livid. Fortunately, a lady driving by saw me fuming (trust me, I was definitely out of place in that neighborhood) and asked if I needed help. After I explaining my predicament to her, she went in and got the receptionist to come open the gate to the ramp and let me in. Of course, I asked why would there be a gate in front of an accessible entrance, and a locked gate, at that. Of course, my question was studiously ignored. Later, I learned that if you use a chair, you have to let them know that you're coming so that the gate will be open. I didn't see my doctor that day, but saw his medical assistant. Apparently, the fuss I made was such that the next day, my new doctor called to apologize profusely, saying that the gate was there to keep skateboarders off, and that the rule is that it is supposed to be opened during business hours; his staff forgot to open the gate and he'd gotten on their case about it - so sorry, so sorry, it'll never happen again!

That was bad enough, but it gets better - NOT! I was taken to a tiny, cramped examining room that I could barely get into, nor maneuver my wheelchair. The examining table was inaccessible, as was the scale. A quick peek at the restroom told me that if they wanted a urine specimen from me (they did), it wasn't going to happen!

While normally, that visit would have been my last, I'm stuck because that doctor is the only one anywhere near my house (two buses and an 8-block walk) who accepted my insurance AND was accepting new patients.

It wouldn't matter, anyway. Almost every doctor's office, clinic and hospital is inaccessible in some way, to people with disabilities, particularly, those of us who use wheelchairs. Often, as in my own experience, even though we can get into a building (sometimes we can't, due to steps or inaccessible doors), we can't access the equipment, such as scales, examining tables, x-ray and mammogram machines. Further, just try asking for a sign language interpreter and see what happens! Also, most offices have that harsh fluorescent lighting that doesn't work well for autistic folks or those with epilepsy.


I just don't get it. Doctors deal with folks with all kinds of conditions; you'd think that they would have equipment that everyone can use, to say nothing of an office and examining room that everyone can get into, especially in this post-ADA era that we are living in. That makes sense, doesn't it?

The truth is this: Doctors treat sick people, not disabled people. Sick and disabled are not synonymous; folks with disabilities are often quite healthy. Often, unless a doctor specializes in treating people with certain disabilities, they don't know how to deal with us.

Sadly, doctors are just like most of society when it comes to disabled folks; we simply are NOT on their radar. That may be surprising, given the profession, but this is borne out by the utter incomprehension of doctors when the subject is brought up. It's not that accessible equipment doesn't exist, it's that the majority of doctors and hospitals fail to research where they can find the equipment, then, purchase it.


Frankly, I'm sick and tired of this. It's infuriating to know that here in the 21st century, 24 years after the passage of the Americans with Disabilities Act, people with disabilities are still facing physical and attitudinal barriers when it comes to accessing health care. While I understand that small practices may not be able to afford accessible medical equipment, it pisses me off that large offices and hospitals, particularly those owned and operated by universities, which receive federal funding, still don't have equipment that's accessible to everyone. What really ticks me off is that the hospitals owned and run by churches and religious organizations are exempt - they don't have to be accessible. Still, you think they'd go ahead and do it. After all, doesn't the higher power care about everyone?

Being treated like a second class citizen hurts, to say the least. Personally, I think it's time to take action. Letters and lawsuits are fine, but I think that the time has come for nonviolent direct action. Pickets. Protests. Vigils. Shutdowns. It may be radical, even sacrilegious, but so what? It's obscene, even criminal that many in our community still face inaccessibility at the doctor's office!

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I Just Want To Know

9/7/2014

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Each day, at least 3 or 4 times an hour, I hear stories detailing the horror of what it's like to be me - a Black, disabled, poor, lesbian. I wonder, then, what is it like to be someone other than me? I've thought about that a lot, since I was a small child. What would it be like to live for a day, a week, a month, a year as a member of the dominant cultures?

Now, let's not get things twisted, haters. I am in no way saying that I don't want to be me, or that I'm ashamed to be me. I'm just dreaming, ok? You know, how sometimes, kids will dream of being princes or princesses, or adults dream of being super rich and famous? It's the same thing, except that 1. for you, it's reality and 2. I don't want to stay. Besides, it's all well and good for you to look down on me and try to shame me; you sure as hell aren't wanting to know what it's like to be me!

Let's get this started, shall we?

Let me get money out of the way, ok? I know what it's like to be well off. I was born into such a family. My birth dad worked hard to get the family to the state it was by the time I was born, and beyond. I know what it's like to go to the opera and plays and eat at five star restaurants. I know what it is to live in a nice house and to have several homes, cars, TVs, phones, back when most families only had one of each - maybe. Unlike many rich folks today, our family knew the value of money, so we didn't  splurge often. We were not extravagant. We had nice clothes, but we weren't fashion plates. We had several nice cars, but not Ferraris, Rolls Royce's or Mercedes. Ok, so you get it, right? We didn't need to bring attention to ourselves simply because we had money. When I had my cushy jobs, I was the same way. Yes, I lived in nice buildings in nice neighborhoods, but that was all. My years with the nuns taught me that having a ton of money while others suffered was obscene, so, to this day, I don't want to be rich - I do want to be comfortable again. I want to be able to pay my bills and have a good amount of money left over. I want to be able to save money and to have some nice things again. Thankfully, this is the only dream that is within my grasp. All it will take is me either getting the right cushy job again or starting my own business again and working to make it take off. I plan to open a business again very, very soon, so relative wealth, with hard work is within reach.

Now, on to the hard stuff.

I want to know what it would be like to be a guy. How does it feel to know that you rule the world, that you are favored, that you make all the rules that govern people's lives, that you are taken seriously, that you are the stronger gender, that you are superior? How does it feel to know that even if you are rock-bottom poor or severely disabled, that you are still better than people like me? I'd like to know what that feels like, just for a little while!

What's it like to be White? All my life, I've wondered about that. I never developed the gonads to ask my White friends, family or even my beautiful wife, so I'm asking you, my readers. What is it like? What's it like to to know that you are the top, that you are superior? How does it feel to know that you rule the world, that you're automatically thought to be the smartest, that though you are dirt poor and severely disabled, you're still better than folks like me, because, at least, you are White? What is it like to know even without being aware of it, that you don't have to care about what I care about or know the things that folks like me need to know in order to survive? How does it feel to know that you can go anywhere, do anything, be anything? What's it like to have automatic privilege so ingrained and inherent that you don't even know you have it until it's pointed out to you? What's it like to know that you can make all kinds of mistakes, live a life of crime, be as obtuse, unclever, unlearned and ignorant as you'd like, and it won't be ascribed to your entire race? How does it feel to know with certainty that you can make all kinds of shady deals, have no scruples or ethics, work the system, live off welfare, hustle and scam and it'll be on YOU, but not your entire race? What's it like to know that in the Western world (which is the one that really matters), your culture is the dominant one, your beauty is the ideal beauty, your history, literature, philosophy, poetry, etc., are automatically taught in schools, and people like me had better learn it better than you if we want to succeed? What's it like to know for sure that your life is priceless, while mine is worthless, that though you were a horrible excuse for a human being, when you die, good things will be said about you, but, though someone like me lived an exemplary life, when we die, people will try to dig up any dirt they can on us? What's it like to be a pauper, but know you can go anywhere with ease, while folks like me who are millionaires and billionaires get followed around stores, publicly frisked because we might have stolen something, denied in all kinds of ways, and assumed that our wealth came from criminal activities, while your wealth is assumed to come from hard work or family inheritance? I mean, really, what is it like to have all these perks simply by virtue of the color of your skin? I want to know what that's like. I want to live it, if only for a little while, so that I can understand, so that I can be - oblivious, live in peace, be - valued
.

I want to know what it's like not to be disabled, or have a visible disability. I want to know what it's like not to be thought of as stupid, what it's like to be valued as a person, to know that if I'm bullied, something will be done about it, and it won't be seen as a joke, or nothing serious, that if my parents killed me, that they wouldn't be seen as heroes or long-suffering. I want to know what it's like to not have to face physical and attitudinal barriers at every turn. I want to know what it's like not to have to fight for civil and human rights that you take for granted. I want to know what it's like not to have a price on my freedom and independence - if I don't cost the state or government over and above x amount of dollars, then, I can live in my community, get the medical treatment that I need, get the equipment, services and supports that I need to survive and live on my own. I want to know what it's like to go into a store, theatre, restaurant, stadium, school, courthouse or place of worship and know that I won't be stared at, be told I'm in the way or that I'm a fire hazard or have someone be rude to me simply because they can, or act strange because they don't know how to deal with me, or ask someone else what I want.

I wonder what it is like not to be seen as an abomination because of my orientation, what it's like not to have to worry about getting beat up or killed or disowned or fired or discriminated against because of my sexuality, what it's like not to be expected to hide or live a lie because of whom I love.

Seriously, folks, I wonder about this. I wonder and even obsess on this quite a bit. How can't I, when literally every day, even every hour of my life, I hear of someone who belongs to one of the groups that make up me is killed or some other injustice is visited upon them? Is it any wonder that sometimes, without hating ourselves, people like me may wonder what it is like not to be us? It's not that we don't like ourselves, our culture, our beauty, it's just that we are - I - am curious.

Now, here's a serious question - do you wonder what it's like to be me? No, not the cool, quirky Angry Black Womyn you know, think you know, or have heard of - I'm talking about the Black woman in the wheelchair you see on the street. I'm talking about the Black guy in the hoodie or the Latina girl in your class, the Asian guy sitting next to you on the bus, or the lesbian Native American woman marching in the Pride parade, the kid with down's syndrome who walks your dogs, or the autistic kid who's always there to help you carry your groceries into the house. Do you wonder what it's like to be us, to understand where we are coming from, to have some inkling of our lived experience? Do you even care to know - or are you scared? What do you feel? I want to know!

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